Wordless Wednesday Which is Worse

OK, which is worse?

1. The fact that I've posted a photo of a semi-naked woman's ass
   on my blog for Semi-Wordless Wednesday?


2. Or, the fact that I knew who's ass that was before I even
   read the caption when I came across this photo?

(It's Pink, by the way...you know, the singer!)

I'm going with number 2, because it really kind of scares me that I knew that was Pink. Not that I've ever seen her ass before, because I haven't. So really, how the heck would I know that was her? Especially since it's kind of hard to tell that's even a woman from the back. And what exactly does that say about me?

Oy. I am really beginning to think I need therapy. But hey, don't let my mental dilemma throw you...enjoy your Wednesday!

Flirty MJ Memes

This week's Michael Jackson memes all revolve around the flirty side of MJ. I think they're just the right way to begin your MJ Monday.

Now admit it: your Monday just got a little less boring, didn't it? Shamone, and have a great start to your week!

Michael Jackson Trivia Sticky Note Saturday

This week's Sticky Note Saturday is dedicated to Michael Jackson, in honor of his 52nd birthday on August 29th.  Just a few tidbits and trivia about the King of Pop that you might not know.

Happy Birthday, Michael!

Friday Flip Offs August 27

Friday Flip Offs are the brain child of The Kludgy Mom. It’s just a way to vent and get rid of your “weekday angst,” by virtually flipping someone (or something) off.  Some might call that passive-aggression. But I call it misery loves company.

So here are my Friday Flip Offs for this week.

To the Dog that Belongs to the Freak Next Door: Flip Off! How is it that you manage to start barking just as I manage to fall asleep, after putting my granddaughter down for a nap, and after having only 4 hours of sleep the night before?! Is that your super special canine power, the ability to sense sleeping neighbors who need a nap more than Lindsay Lohan needs therapy, and then start barking as a reminder that they indeed live next door to a freak and his dog? Woof up already.

To the Girl at McDonald's Who Ignored Me, Twice: Flip Off! OK,  I am not one to beat a dead horse [where did that expression come from anyway], because I know I've already blogged about how They F*ck You at the Drive Thru. But she deserves to be flipped off.  I think we can all agree that her job is not exactly rocket science: she takes orders at a drive thru. And if your job is to take someone's order, and if they request Sweet Tea with NO ICE, two times (!), is it really that difficult to oblige them with their request? Or do I have to start asking for everything 3 times at Mickey D's from now on?

To Firefox Crashes and Their Stupid "Well, this is embarrassing" Error Message: Flip Off! Yes, it truly should be embarrassing that your browser crashes occasionally for no conceivable reason, and always at a time when I am in the middle of posting something worthless amazing or wasting time working really hard on one of my websites. And your cutesy little error message does little to stem the tide of my growing dissatisfaction with your belligerent browser. Don't make me do it; don't make me go all IE on your little fox's ass.

To Velvet Peanut Butter Fudge Ice Cream: Flip Off! In the words of Edward, "you're like a drug to me." As if the peanut butter ice cream with fudge swirls are not enough, no, no, you have to add more fuel to the junk food fire and throw in peanut butter cups too.  It is exactly this kind of empty-calorie-filled-frozen-guilt-ridden-bowl-of-death-by-deliciousness that my ass does not need! Why oh why can we have DVD players in cars, toilets that flush themselves, and cell phones that can do everything but flush toilets (though I'm sure there will be an app for that one day too), but we can't have ice cream that tastes that good, and has zero calories? Something is just very wrong about that. Clearly some people's priorities are seriously out of whack!

So I've flipped. And now I'm off. Have a good weekend. ;)

Happy Birthday Michael Jackson

Sunday, August 29 marks what would have been the 52nd birthday of Michael Jackson. So this post is in the honor of the King of Pop. I'm posting it a bit early, to spread some MJ love around in advance. Please watch the video, and really  listen to Akon's lyrics. They are truly a fitting tribute to Michael and his memory. I made the video, inspired by those lyrics.

He wasn't a freak.

He wasn't wacko.

He wasn't a monster.

He was music. And magic. And he was a man filled with love and compassion for a world that was only too eager to vilify him...a legacy that his children are now forced to bear. My gift to Michael is to try to right that wrong at every opportunity. And so I challenge you to do what's right, especially on this day, Michael Jackson's birthday:

Seek the Truth.

Reject the Lies.

And donate to the charity of your choice in Michael's name.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MICHAEL!

They F*ck You at the Drive Thru

As I went through the Mickey D's drive thru yesterday to grab a quick and fattening-but-oh-so-tasty lunch, I placed my usual order:

McDouble, no onions

Large Fries

Sweet tea, no ice

Yes, I'm one of those people, the ones who want to break away from the default not-so-fast-food preparation and get it my own way. It's not because I'm trying to be a pain though I don't really care if I am one. I just want what I want, is that so bad? I mean, I am paying for it, so it seems I should get what I'm paying for, no?

I don't get onions because they give me bad breath. I don't like onion breath. On me or anyone else.

And I don't get ice in my tea because if I do, then the cup is 2/3 full of ice and only 1/3 full of tea. That's just not good economics, in my humble opinion. Why pay for ice? If I want ice, I'll add it when I get home. But it's tea, people. And hot, warm or cold, it still tastes like tea. So going sans ice is no problemo for this chick.

Anyhoots. I always watch the order screen as I place my order at Mickey D's. When I say "no onions," then "no onions" shows up on the screen. And ditto when I say "no ice" in the Sweet Tea. That's just visual confirmation that I am indeed going to get what I ordered. But yesterday, when the gal took my order, I did not see "no ice" under my order of Sweet Tea. So, just to be clear, I repeated it for her: "and no ice in that Sweet Tea, please." To which she replies, "yes, OK."

So I pull up to the 1st window, which still amazes me is in use, by the way, for the simple fact that it was put to use as a means to speed up the "fast food" process. But I personally haven't noticed any change in pace at the drive thru since the extra window's implementation, so what is the point? But I paid for my order and pulled ahead and waited (naturally) for my food and beverage.

The giddy gal at window #2 [and why is she so giddy if she works at Mickey D's?] hands me my Sweet Tea. And what is that noise I hear inside my decidedly un-eco-friendly styrofoam cup? Um, that's right. It's ICE. So, being that I'm one of those people, I promptly hand my environment-killing cup back to her and say, "I requested this with no ice. Twice, in fact." And as I did so, I couldn't help but flashback to one of my all time favorite 80's movie moments. It's from Lethal Weapon 2. The Drive Thru scene. Where Joe Pesci's character, Leo Getz, lays the much needed smack down on drive thru service everywhere. And I literally laughed out loud, right there in my car.

If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about, but if you haven't, you have to see the clip. [CAUTION: Rampant F-Bombs Ahead!]

That scene with Leo still gets me every time I see it. He is oh so right. They F*ck You at the Drive Thru. But thanks to Leo, I always check my order, before I drive away.

I'm sure the drive thru gal thought I was insane, sitting there laughing to myself in my car.  But she pretended not to notice and apologized for the fast food faux pas with my tea as she handed me a new one, without ice. And I'm equally sure she had a good laugh herself with a co-worker or two after I drove away.

Coworker, to the snickering drive thru gal: What is so funny?

Drive thru gal: Nothing. Just one of those people.

MJ Monday and Sizzling Memes

Monday is really beginning to be my favorite day of the week. OK, yeah, I'm lying. But I do love that Mondays mean it's Michael Jackson time! Seriously, admit it. You enjoy the meme posts too, don'tcha?! ;)

Today's memes are sizzling...in that one of them literally uses the word sizzling, and the others have a bit of a sizzling undertone. Just as an MJ FYI, "sizzling" is a word MJ used in the movie, This is It. He was taking a pause on stage, kind of  feeling the moment, which he called "sizzling." I loved that part in the film. Anyhoots, here is your Monday dose of the King of Pop.

Now I'm gonna give you a little MJ Monday challenge.  Go forth in the world on this not so glorious Monday and use the word sizzling at least once today! Twitter it. Make it your Facebook status. Post it on your blog. Come on, I double dog dare you.

Friday Flip Offs August 20

Friday Flip Offs are the brain child of The Kludgy Mom. It’s just a way to vent and get rid of your “weekday angst,” by virtually flipping someone (or something) off.  Some might call that passive-aggression. But I call it cheaper than therapy.

So here are my Friday Flip Offs for this week.

To the Facebook Disease: Flip Off! While I do use Facebook, I am not infected with its disease like too many people I know. You know you have it if any of the following apply to you:

• You no longer send emails because you can't be bothered to write something more than one or two sentences long. And yet you can post a sentence or two...like 800 times in one day with no problems at all.


• You spend hours upon hours playing Farmville, and yet you have the audacity to state to a friend who casually asks you if you've read a certain book, "Read? I don't have time to read, I have more important things to do." Um,  OK.


• You use your cellphone to post on your Facebook wall so your "best friend" will see it...instead of using the phone to actually call your "best friend." Because, yeah, talking on a phone would just be weird, right?

I could go on and on about the Facebook Disease.  But since all the people who need to read it are on Facebook, they probably wouldn't see it anyway.

To Loud Commercials: Flip Off! It is beyond annoying to be watching a TV show and when it goes to commercial break, the commercial is 10 times louder than the show. I am so tired of the commercial's-on-volume-down-show's-on-volume-up-dance for the 2-3 hours a night I watch TV. My finger should be much thinner than it is considering how much exercise it gets on a nightly basis. I mean, I get why they do it--they apparently want you to still hear the commercial while you're grabbing a snack or in the bathroom going pee, right? But how many people actually leave the volume up like that? Most of us turn it down, don't we? And let's face it, sometimes that volume spike scares the bleeping crap out of me! I'm getting too freaking old for those kind of shocks to my system.

To Guys Who Call All Other Guys "Bro": Flip Off! What's up, Bro? How's it hanging, Bro? Bro, are you feeling OK?  I feel you, Bro. Seriously, do they really consider all other guys their "Bro"? Is it just a simple form of male bonding? Or do they just say "Bro" because they can't remember the other guy's name to whom they're speaking? Whatever the reason, it's annoying. Even the Hubs thinks it's annoying, and I can honestly say I've never heard him call any other guy (including any of his 3 brothers) "Bro." [Just one of the many reasons I love that man!] And some guys say it sooo much.  While waiting for a table at a restaurant one time, I heard a guy call another guy "Bro" at least 7 times during their brief conversation. And it took all the strength I could muster to not say, "Shut the F*ck Up, Bro!" For real, people, "Bro" is crispy already. Turn it over, it's done.

And I'm done too, I believe.  Time to flip off the light and head to bed. ;) All this virtual therapy has exhausted me. And now the only flipping off I have left in me is the one I'll do when my alarm clock goes off at 6:15 in the morning. Seriously. Flip Off, alarm clock!

Wordless Wednesday Wiener

You just can't make this stuff up, folks. But sometimes you do have to see it to believe it.

Click here for the full story on "Scrotie, King of the Mascots."  You gotta love a hockey team (well, actually, love may be too strong a word) that has the balls (literally) to have a mascot named Scrotie. And man, their slogan is even better:

Go Nads!

Happy Hump Day, peeps.

Michael Jackson Bad and Mad Memes

Well, it's Monday, peeps. And you know what that means...yep, it's Michael Jackson time! I mean, really, what better way to start your week then with the King of Pop? I've got some great memes to share. They always make me smile, and that's no easy feat on a Monday! So here's Michael being bad and mad, solely for your Monday enjoyment.

There now, didn't that make you smile? I know I did.

Now Beat It. And have a great Monday!

Sticky Note Saturday August 14

I'm feeling a bit snarky today. What that means, I am not really sure, but I am seeing that word all over blogs these days and I decided it sounded cool enough to  steal use.  So here are my snarky tidbits for this Sticky Note Saturday. No ass, man, or teenager is safe from my snarkiness. [I'm beginning to like that word. Too much.] Neither are Wal Mart or Facebook.

Friday Flip-Offs

This will be my very first Friday Flip-Offs post, and I'm beyond ready for it this week! This will be a semi-regular feature at Tinalicious, inspired by the Kludgy Mom Blog, which I love. It's just a way to vent and get rid of your "weekday angst," by virtually flipping someone (or something) off.  And it's a blog hop too, so you can visit other blogs that are featuring Friday Flip-Offs posts. How can you not love that?

I've also created my own Friday Flip-Offs feature image. Being a Michael Jackson fan, I do have images of MJ flipping the bird--usually to the stalkerazzi (and seriously, who could blame him?!). There's an awesome one though that is a still from his Scream video that would have been just perfect for this feature.  But while I love featuring photos of the King of Pop, I didn't want to post such a blatantly negative one on a regular basis. So I managed to find a great pic of MJ from one of his Bad tour performances. And he just happens to be, quite inadvertently, I'm sure, flipping the bird. So that's what I'm using. [His finger is blurry, so hey, it seems a lot less in-your-face that way, but still gets the, ahem, point across. ;) }

So anyhoots, here's my very first Friday Flip-Offs post.

To Sunflower Thieves: FLIP OFF! When you hack off and steal a sunflower that was started from seed by a six-year-old, and was only one of 3 to survive, you are beneath contempt. You are, in fact, pond scum...which is actually rather an insult to other pond scum. But it's true nonetheless.

To Baby Wipes that Won't Separate: FLIP OFF! If I am holding a baby's butt away from a diaper filled with doodie with one hand, I need to be able to separate and grab baby wipes with the other hand. So why do you make that so difficult to do?  Do you even know the consequences of your damned inseparable baby wipes? No? Well, I'll tell you:  babies reach behind  during the minutes-long effort to extract said baby wipes and grab themselves a nice big handful of Poo.  And do you know where babies like to put their hands? [OK, my granddaughter didn't put her hand in her mouth today during this very real poo-poo experience, but she could have, so my point is still valid.]

To Cable Companies with Ever-Changing Channel Line-ups: FLIP OFF! Just when I get used to where all my favorite channels are, you go and change them. Yeah, sure, you said you're adding more and more channels, so I guess I'm supposed to feel lucky. But a) luck has nothing to do with paying $70 a month to watch those channels; and b) I didn't ask for all those extra channels anyway, and many of them are duplicates of channels we already have.  Oh, and on a side note flip-off, your Channel Lineup brochure should come with a magnifying glass. If the print were any smaller, it would be invisible. And it might as well be since I can't read it anyway. Are you telling me you can afford to add all those new channels, but you can't afford to print your brochure on paper large enough for the text to be, um, readable? Yeah, I guess that might be asking too much.

To Victoria's Secret Commercials: FLIP OFF! You know, I don't watch television to feel inadequate. Nor do I want my husband to watch it to realize just how inadequate I might be. So when you're parading half-naked women around in their underwear repeatedly during each airing of Project Runway, you aren't exactly helping my cause.  My husband doesn't even like Project Runway, so he often reads while I watch it. But I am keenly aware of his eyes as they peek over the top of the book  during commercial breaks, in a not-so-subtle move to view those VS models in "the most comfortable bra ever." Whatevs. So, you say, why don't I just change the channel? Well that sounds easy enough. But in the time it takes me to try to read the small print on the Channel Lineup brochure (since the channel lineup has just changed...again), the commercials are already over. So it's pointless from the get-go.

There now, I feel ever so much better after my first Friday Flip-Offs. It's like therapy. With Michael Jackson. And the virtual finger.

Freaky Food Wordless Wednesday

Seeing that Wednesday is almost over, I'm a bit behind on my Semi-Wordless Wednesday post for this week. So let's see if I can't get this published before the stroke of midnight, shall we? It was inspired completely by food, as the post title suggests.

This radish was part of my lunch the other day.
It was having a better day than I was, clearly.

This one I found on Google.
Who knew that angels live inside tomah-toes?

Hallelujah!

And this is a photo of a mystery Cheeto sent to me a few years ago by one of my best friends. I kept it because, yes, I'm that weird. I'll leave it up to you to decide what it resembles.

(It does make you wanna inspect the contents of your next bag of Cheetos a bit more carefully, now doesn't it?)

And that last photo makes it so appropriate to say, Happy Hump Day!

5 Things Learned from Shopping

Believe it or not, apparently you can learn things as the direct result of a routine  craft-shopping excursion.  And I'm all about shopping misadventures, don'tcha know.  (Be sure to check out one of my favorite  shopping posts, Adventures in Shopping with Goobs.)

Anyhoots, as I ventured off to the big city yesterday (a.k.a. Fort Wayne, Indiana), approximately 50 miles southwest of my humble abode in NW Ohio, little did I know it would turn out to be such a lesson-filled day. But learn, I did. And like it or not I'm here to share my new found knowledge with all of you. So here goes.

1. I have the power of invisibility. No, for real. I do. While standing in front of the magazine rack at JoAnn Fabrics, I backed up a wee bit to allow my field of vision to take in all the magazines on the lower shelves. I mean, it's not possible to see all of the magazines unless you do that, so I did. And in the process I was occasionally bending over to get a better view than my aging eyes would allow me while standing completely erect.  [OK, I admit it, I was determined to include the word erect in my blog post today. 2 points for succeeding. Minus 3 points for getting a juvenile yet jovial chuckle while typing that word.] And as I was standing there perusing the titles, two other women walked over and stopped right in front of me to look at the magazines as well. For a second I thought that it was just a momentary pause on their part as they perhaps were looking for the nearest checkout line. But, um, no. They were going to stand there, about 12 inches in front of me, and just look at the magazines, completely obliterating my view. So that's when I realized that yeah, I have the power of invisibility.


2. I don't have the power of subtlety. If I had that power, then I would have just politely said, "excuse me" to the ladies who blocked my view of the magazines, rather than walking away in a huff  and muttering something about the rudeness of craft-shopping-magazine-Nazis.


3. Crying babies are a staple at every craft store. I was in 3 craft stores yesterday and there was a crying baby in every one. And I don't mean a sweetly soft crying baby; we're talking top-of-the-lungs-bloody-murder-is-this-a-hidden-camera-show-crying-baby, which, if I wasn't already a mother and well-prepared for the sound-barrier-breaking volume that crying babies are capable of, would have scared me straight out of ever wanting to become one.


4. 70-year-old women should not wear Daisy Dukes. On my way home from craft shopping, I spied with my little eye an  older woman, who was very thin and with skin having the appearance of a well-worn leather chair, wearing skin-tight, black and white striped, fraying Daisy Dukes. And no, I am not kidding! If only I'd been at a stoplight when I saw her walking by, because I would have whipped out my cell phone and snagged the photographic evidence to post for your enjoyment, or disgust, as the case may be. But since that image is  forever etched into my memory, I thought it only fair to show you something. So I found the following image on Google that will help to illustrate the horror I felt in that truly unforgettable Daisy Dukes geriatric moment.  One does not have to be Joan Rivers to realize that some fashion statements should never be made. Oy.
   


5. And finally, I also learned something very, very important at the end of my craft-shopping-lesson-filled-adventure. And that is, Taco Bell food should never be eaten while driving. And I think their drive-thru should come with a disclaimer: You Eat It, You Wear It.

Michael Jackson Monday Mood

In my opinion, there's always one great way to ensure a great Monday...and that's with some Michael Jackson memes. Hope you get a giggle or two to start  your week!

And as someone who doesn't understand the whole Justin Bieber thing,  this next one is my personal favorite for today!

Now, shamone, get busy and have a good day!