An Idiot Abroad

When I first saw the previews for this show on the Science Channel (yes, I do occasionally watch the Science Channel...though not always by choice), I was a bit taken aback. I mean, isn't that kind of a mean-spirited title for a TV/reality show? And then I wondered, who is the poor idiot they suckered into being called The Idiot Abroad. It intrigued me.  And I love being intrigued. So the Hubs and I knew we had to watch.

The premise of this show was hatched by funny man and actor, Ricky Gervais, and his friend Stephen Merchant. Ricky calls it "the most expensive practical joke I've ever done." Ricky and Stephen send their "uncultured" friend, Karl Pilkington to visit the 7 Wonders of the World. The goal being to open his eyes to different cultures, and to subject him to a bit of cross-cultural humiliation at the same time, it would seem.

During the first episode we saw, Karl was in the middle of walking the Great Wall of China. We didn't get to watch the whole episode, but what we did see was so funny to watch. There is something about Karl. He is really hilarious and just compelling to watch, and he has an incredibly honest and unique way of looking at things. Which is, no doubt, the reason they chose him to be the virtual village idiot. He's not stupid though, just very grounded and without an ability to put on airs. For me, that makes him very likable.

Last night's episode was seriously hilarious as Karl traveled to India to visit the Taj Mahal, and lots of other things along the way. Karl's reaction to the news he was going to see this wonder, that was built for a man's dead wife, standing through time as a testament to the power of love?

"Guilty. He obviously did something bad when she was alive."

He says this so matter-of-factly. It's so Karl, and so completely funny.

The Hubs and I were laughing out loud, in fact, as Karl watched a naked Indian wrap his penis around a stick and then tuck the stick up between his legs and under his butt cheeks. And yes, I'm freaking serious. If I'd had a beverage in my mouth as we watched it, the entire living room would have been wearing it at that moment. The Indian man calls it Yoga. Yet Karl simply turns to his interpreter and says, "I've never heard of that sort of Yoga." Priceless.

Then there's another Indian man Karl approaches, whose sitting outside completely naked, save for a pair of sunglasses, and whom he describes as looking like Jim Morrison. Karl finds it amusing that this man is wearing sunglasses.

"He was concerned about his eyes in the sun, but wasn't worried about, you know, sunburning his ass cheeks."

This is what I call truly must-see-TV. Though, honestly, I was thankful for the blacked-out-man-bits, where necessary...let's face it, some things are not-so-must-see-0n-TV. Here's a YouTube video I found with some highlights. Seriously. Take a peek.

We only saw part of one episode and were hooked from that point. We're definitely going to keep watching. Who knows what other experiences Karl might be in for as he travels the world in what can only be considered part science experiment, part social/cultural experiment,and part practical joke. We just know we wanna be there to see it. We're rooting for you, Karl!

My Friday Confessions January 28

Guess it's time to fess up for the week, eh?

I confess...I snore. Not all the time. And certainly not every day. But yeah, I snore. So does the Hubs on occasion, which makes for interesting sleeping quarters. Either he's snoring, or I am, but not usually both of us at the same time (small miracles). I even wake myself up sometimes from my own snoring.

I don't understand snoring. I also don't understand why I feel so ashamed and embarrassed to be a snorer. It's not like I can help it. Those freaking nose strips do NOT work. Believe me. I've tried. And I'm glad they don't work anyway because they just add insult to injury having to wake up with an ugly adhesive strip hanging off your nose. You know the person who invented those did so just to see how many idiots would actually wear them. And he's laughing all the way to the bank...but I bet even he snores!

Seriously, it's F'd up that women should have to snore. Is it not enough that we have to endure labor, childbirth, monthly visits from "Aunt Flow," PMS, stretch marks, menopause, pantyhose, curling iron burns, and that crusty makeup gunk that gets in the corner of our eyes?! Sheesh. How much is a gal supposed to take?

I wonder if Angelina Jolie snores. And if she does,  I wonder just how long it takes Brad Pitt to realize he could care less that she snores...because she's so freaking hot. Hmmm.

I confess...I don't dust my house very often. It's one of two chores I absolutely  HATE to do, the other being mopping the floors. I hate moving everything. I hate how dirty my fingers feel when I doing it. I hate the smell of furniture polish. And I really hate that within 2 days of  getting rid of the old dust, there is new dust lined up to take its place.

So even though I do like my house picked up and neat most of the time (and I can be pretty darn anal about that, go figure), I don't care if there's a layer of dust on everything inside it. It's not like it's an inch thick or anything. I'm not THAT girl yet. But it's a layer, to be sure. The way I figure it though, as long as no one runs their finger across the surface of anything, disturbing the evenly distributed layer, then it's not that noticeable. And besides, in case there's no pen handy, the dust creates an instant message board on almost any surface.

I confess...I weigh 125 pounds.

I confess...I lie about my weight. But a girl can dream, can't she?

A Late Fee Fable

Once upon a time, in the land of Tinalicious, I made my credit card payment early.

No,  really, George, I'm serious. And I was totally reveling in pride at my  personal financial achievement. For about 5 minutes [OK it was more than 5 minutes, but that's not the point]. Until I was checking my account online a few weeks later, as I often do, to make sure the payment had cleared and all.

That's when I saw it. The stupid $35 late fee charged to my account. For a "late payment." Talk about a buzz-kill. I was so distraught and in need of comforting.

But never one to miss an opportunity to browbeat a customer service rep eat a $35 late fee, I decided to call the credit card company and semi rationally discuss the obvious mistake on my account on their behalf.

And I just asked them, point blank: "Why is there a late fee on my account?"

And their perfunctory reply, "Because your payment was late."

So yeah, I guess my inner Jacki Chan got the better of me just then. I just couldn't control myself.

And I clarified, "[WTF?!!] How can my payment have been 'late,' when I paid the bill on the 3rd, and I didn't even get the bill until the 9th, which showed a due date of the 16th?" [This isn't rocket science, nor is it even advanced math; the payment was made well ahead of its due date.]

That's when my inner Captain Jack Sparrow took over to voice the only thought in my head.

And then the CSR politely (kudos to her for having to deal with a whiny biatch like me) explained to me that my payment was made before the new bill had even posted, and when that happens and no subsequent payment is made, the system doesn't recognize payments made prior to the post date as payments for the current billing cycle.

Cue the lightbulb moment, people.

No. Not this one.

This one.

Once she cleared this up to me, she promptly removed the offensive $35 late fee from my account, and all was well and good again in the land of Tinalicious.

And the moral to this story?

1. Don't pay your credit card bill before the billing date.


2. Never waste the chance to use photos of some of your favorite celebs in a WTF Wednesday blog post.

Shower Scene & Heard

So I was working late in my office (the home office, that is) doing cursed tax stuff that must be done by the end of the month.  I love taxes. [Yes, I'm lying.] They are so much fun. [Still lying.] And the Hubs was out working at the warehouse (a.k.a. his place of business).  It got to be after 10pm and I decided I was ready for a shower. So, off I went to lather up and wash off the stink of the day, as they say.

I was in the shower for a few minutes and you know, it's noisy in there. Hard to hear things with the water running and me singing MJ's Shake Your Body Down to the Ground and everything. But I managed to hear the Hubs coming in the house anyway. And while I'm washing away, I hear a few random hubby noises, and then I heard him poke his head in our bedroom and say this:

"Are you in there?"

I really had to take a little pause when he asked me this. It was a total WTF moment for me, right there in the middle of my lather, rinse, and no repeat routine (and if you want to know why I don't "repeat," you need to read Lather, Rinse, Repeat). I mean...I was in the shower, the water was running, all the bathroom lights were on, and all the bedroom lights were on.

Where. Else. Would. I. Be?

I was going to shoot back with, "Uh, no, no I'm not. I'm actually in Hawaii with a hot vampire named Edward and he's washing my hair under a waterfall as we speak."

But instead I said nothing. I figured I'd just let him founder in the uncertainty and ponder my whereabouts for a little while longer, while I indulged in my hair-washing-under-a-waterfall-with-Edward-fantasy.

A girl can have fantasies, am I right, ladies? Nothing wrong with a little H2O and Edward Cullen to go, thank you very much. And the Hubs doesn't need to know that "hair washing" is just my Tinalicious code for kissing. Which, I really don't wanna do anyway, of course. This is all just creative license...stuff I use to beef up the blog.

[OK, yes, I'm still lying.]

Twitter Me This

Well, I've decided to create a Twitter page just for my Tinalicious followers. I'm not new to Twitter at all, but for the most part, I use my personal Twitter page to tweet my MJ family peeps and pals. So instead of using that account, I just created a brand spanking new one for my Tinalicious friends. You can find me at:

TINALICIOUS

So drop by and give me a shout out any time you feel like Twittering, Tweeting, or Twalking. I'll be Twappy to hear from you.

Twuly.

Oven Fried Tilapia

Now I'm gonna apologize right off the bat, folks, because I found this recipe just last week on someone's blog...and I thought I bookmarked it so I could give credit and a link to the recipe. But now I can't find it. [This is only one of the many problems of blog hopping at 1:30 in the morning!] I'm pretty sure I left a comment on that particular blog about wanting to try the recipe, so hopefully I'll run across it someday so I can edit this post to give that credit.  I did scour the web for quite awhile looking for it...and I did see this recipe many times...but not on the right blog. So for now I'll just have to post the recipe sans the credit.

I'll also add that I'm not a major fish person. I like fish, but I don't generally cook it well. And my favorite fish is Halibut, but that is always so expensive around here. Tilapia is certainly not my favorite fish (they're bottom feeders, after all), but I'm always willing to try new recipes and this one really did sound yummy. So I gave it a shot, with a few modifications of my own, naturally. And I must say, it was quite good...even the Hubs gave it a thumbs up. :)

Ingredients

• 1/4 Cup Flour


• 1/4 TSP Salt


• Pepper, to taste


• 2 Egg Whites


• 1 Pound Tilapia fillets


• 1/4 Cup Italian Bread Crumbs


• 1/4 Cup Corn  Meal


• 1/4 Cup Parmesan Cheese


• 1/2  Packet Good Season Italian Dressing Mix

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.


2. Spray a shallow baking dish with non-stick cooking spray.


3. Stir Flour, Salt & Pepper together into a shallow dish or bowl and set aside.


4. Mix Egg Whites in a bowl and set aside.


5. In another bowl, combine Bread Crumbs, Corn Meal, Parmesan, and Italian Dressing Mix.


6. Dip each Tilapia fillet first into the Flour, then into the Egg Whites, and then into the Bread Crumb mixture.


7. Lay fillets in the baking dish, tucking under or overlapping any thinner ends of the fillets to help with more even cooking.


8. Bake in preheated oven for 10-15 minutes, or until flaky and tender.

A couple of notes too...whenever I see Parmesan Cheese in recipe, I always assume they mean the Kraft brand in the big green-label container. And most of the time that is OK. But for this recipe I wanted to be different, so I used a container of  "freshly shredded" Parmesan, which you can usually find in the dairy case with all the other cheeses. You could also shred or grate your own too. I just like the taste of that shredded cheese, and it gave the fish a nice look too.

Also, I think you could substitute many different kinds of fish for the Tilapia (even Halibut!) in this recipe. It's so tasty, I just don't think you could go wrong either way. And most of the other recipes I saw for this called for dried basil, rather than the Italian Dressing Mix...but I love to use Italian Dressing Mix for seasoning, so I used that instead.

And come to think of it...I think this would be a great recipe for chicken too! The mind boggles at the infinite possibilities, don'tcha think? OK, yes, it's after midnight and I really need to go to bed. But I hope you'll give this a try.

MJ Smells It Memes

For some reason, my brain was preoccupied with farts when I was trying to create some MJ Memes this evening. I'm not sure what exactly that says about me, or my brain, but hopefully it will at least generate a few chuckles on your Monday.

Hope you have a fantastic, and fart-free, Monday, y'all.

My First Friday Confessional

Time to shake things up on a Friday night, don'tcha think? Sometimes I'm just not pissed enough to do a Friday Flip-Off. And sometimes I'm just not feeling nostalgic enough to do a Flashback Friday. So now I will have the option to do a Friday Confessional...just a little feature I discovered on the Rockin Mama blog, and that originates from the Our Dandelion Wishes blog. Got that all straight now? OK then. Lets get confessin'!

I confess...

I am addicted to blogging, cheese, Michael Jackson, the Food Network, and a vampire named Edward Cullen [a fictional character who is older than me, though the actor who plays him is young enough to be my son]. And not necessarily in that order. That doesn't make me...weird. Does it?

I confess...

On occasion I pick my nose. Now close your mouth and wipe the look of feigned horror from your face and don't try to pretend like you don't do it too. At least sometimes. We ALL do it. Maybe not in public, and thank God for that. But we do DO it.

I confess...

I almost always fart within 5 minutes of getting up in the morning. Now I'm not sure what that says about my internal disposition, but hey, better out than in, I always say.

I confess...

I make fun of people who wear spandex.

For obvious reasons.

I confess...

I know you're going to click that last photo to enlarge it.

For the same reason I did.

Which will go without saying.

But we all know what it is.

And it's OK. Being a perv curious sometimes is just human nature.

And I won't tell if you won't.

Cheesy Chicken Corn Chowder

Well, I think it's time for another recipe that will warm your bones on a cold evening. I love making soups, stews, and chowders this time of year when it's oh so freaking cold outside.  So for this Tasty Tuesday it's a brand new recipe, for me and for you! Cheesy Chicken Corn Chowder. Can I get a Yum-Yum-Yummy in da house?! Alrighty then.

Ingredients

• 3 Boneless Chicken Breasts, Cubed


• 1-32OZ Container of Chicken Broth


• 2 TSP Chicken Bouillon Granules


• 2 Cups of Frozen Corn


• 1 Medium Green Pepper, Diced


• 1 Cup of Milk


• 1 and 1/4 Cups of Instated Mashed Potato Flakes


• 1 or 2 Cups of Shredded Cheddar Jack Cheese (to your cheesy taste)


• Kosher Salt & Pepper to taste

Directions

1. In a Dutch oven combine the Chicken and Chicken Broth. Cover and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat and simmer 15 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink.


2. Add the Bouillon, Green Pepper, and Corn. Simmer uncovered for 5 minutes.


3. Stir in  Milk and Potato Flakes, heat for another 3-5 minutes.


4. Add Shredded Cheese to melt,  and Salt & Pepper to taste.

This is such an easy chowder to make, and it's really perfect for a cold winter day. Enjoy it with some fresh baked rolls or biscuits.

That's How MJ Rolls Memes

This Monday's Michael Jackson memes are all about how MJ rolls...you know, how Michael Jackson handled things in his I'm-the-King-of-Pop-cool sort of way. I only made one of these (the You and What Army? one). But I love them all and they totally made me smile. Hope they bring a smile to your Monday too.

Movie Night With the Hubs

Saturday night seems to be a regular movie night for the Hubs and me anymore. I love movies. Frankly, I could watch movies every single night and be perfectly happy. After all, I've been a movie fan ever since I can't remember, and truth be told, I could have been a famous actress, rubbing elbows with hot vampires in Hollywoodland...had I so chosen. I could have had it all. The stalkers adoring fans...the red carpet...the fame...the fortune. But who needs that, right?

Well not me! No. I'm perfectly content to be the almost middle class, semi-ordinary, not-quite starving artist/blogger/former art teacher, who lives in the hideously boring flatlands of northwest Ohio with her husband, watching movies on Saturday night. Hollywood, Schmollywood. THIS is living!

But anyhoots...I was flipping through our vast array of On Demand video options for this evening. I saw plenty of flicks that I'd enjoy watching, but the Hubs? Probably not so much. And I saw plenty of flicks that he would enjoy watching. But me? Probably not so much. And that's always the biggest challenge on movie night: finding a movie we'll both enjoy watching.

So he suggests Terminator: Salvation.

And all I can do is roll my eyes and I sigh.

I mean, the only salvation I'll get from a Terminator movie is if I don't have to watch it. The first one rocked. The second one...it was OK. The Third? Yawn.  But damn. Let the machines die already.

Then I suggest the rom-com,  The Back-Up Plan.

Surely a chick flick about a  single woman who gets pregnant with twins via artificial insemination, only to meet the man of her dreams on the very same day, that has to have some redeeming quality in the Hubs' eyes, right? Doesn't Jennifer Lopez's ass count for anything?

Apparently  not.

So it was clear fairly quick we weren't going to agree on a movie via On Demand. And I wasn't much in the mood to wade through my library of all my favorite DVD's. But then I remembered that I had recently bought a special edition of the Tom Hanks movie, Big and hadn't yet watched it.

It's been years since we've seen that, but it's a great movie, a classic,  and  has something for both sexes, to be sure. So I gave him a choice.

"I guess I can either let you pick something on TV (which in reality is just code for him flipping channels for two hours), or we can watch that DVD of Big that I just bought."

His reply? "Isn't that movie kind of...OLD?"

"Um, it's from the late 80's. That's not that old. It's in color and everything," I told him.

And he just rolled his eyes and sighed.

But then he shoots back a counter offer: "I say, you can put Big in, or we can watch that DVD of Close Encounters you bought me for Christmas." 

Dammit, man. Where is that crappy memory of yours when I really need it? He can't remember what we had for dinner last night, but he can remember that I got him the collector's edition of Close Encounters for Christmas--two weeks ago?!  WTH, dude?! And like I can really say no to letting him watch the movie I'd given him as a gift. Man, he's good.

And so I just rolled my eyes and sighed.

But on the way to the DVD player, I did have to point out one very important bit of cinematic trivia to the Hubs.

"You do realize that this movie is OLD, don'tcha, fella? It's from all the way back in...1977."

Chicken Enchilada Pasta Bake

Well, it's Tuesday. And lucky for you, I tried a new recipe this evening. And since it is, after all, Tasty Tuesday, that means I can share my fabulous creation with all of you.

This recipe began as one I found in Better Homes & Gardens (October 2010 issue, in case you wanna know). It was basically a recipe that involved stuffing pasta shells with a bunch of enchilada-saucy filling, and I simply don't have the patience for that. So I changed the recipe so that there would be no stinking pasta shell-stuffing for me! I also didn't like several of the ingredients, so I omitted and/or revised them to suit  my all too picky liking. What you see here is the  glorious carb-crazed result, and the recipe follows.

Ingredients

1 16 oz Pkg Small Shells pasta (you'll use about 3/4 of the box)
2 Lg Green Peppers, chopped
1 Cup Chopped Red Onion
1/4 TSP Kosher Salt
2 TBSP Vegetable or Canola Oil
2 Cups Chopped Cooked Chicken (I used turkey)
1-16 Oz can Refried Beans (though I only used about 2/3 of the can)
1 Envelope or 3 TBSP Taco Seasoning Mix
2-10 Oz cans of Enchilada Sauce
1 Cup Sour Cream
1-8 Oz Pkg Shredded Mexican Blend Cheese

Directions

Set oven to 350 degrees. Cook the Pasta according to package directions; drain and set aside for later.

In a skillet, heat the Oil and cook Peppers and Onions with the Salt for 5-10 minutes, until they are tender.

Stir in Chicken, Beans, Seasoning Mix, Enchilada Sauce and Sour Cream. Then stir in the shredded cheese. Mix well.

Pour into a 3-Qt rectangular baking dish, cover with foil and bake for 25-30 minutes, until heated through. You can also remove the foil, sprinkle on some extra shredded cheese and then bake for another 5 minutes. I didn't do this, since I put all the cheese in my mixture.

This was very yummy. Even the Hubs liked it, and Mexican-style food is really not his favorite thing. For me personally though, I seldom meet a pasta dish that I don't like.

Missing My MJ Macros

With the holidays and all, I kind of put the Michael Jackson memes on vacation for a bit. But now I'm missing them. My Monday just isn't the same without memes, what can I say?! So I've gathered just a few random memes for this time, rather than posting memes that follow a certain theme. I made the first and last meme myself. The middle one I just happened upon one day and it made me giggle.

Hope you have a great Monday!

Almost Last Year in Review

As I was reading a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Sandra at Absolutely Narcissism I couldn't help but be inspired by the way she decided to blog about 2010--a Year in Review (sort of) post. She found some questions on another blog and posted her own replies in her post. So I decided to carry forward that theme and answer those same questions about 2010 in my own blog post. It will be my first post of this new year...and it's almost last year in review. So here goes.

What did you do in 2010 that you've never done before?Well, I turned 44. That is certainly something I don't do everyday. I also took a walk on the wild side and installed RAM in my laptop. All by myself. Yeah, that's right. I'm just crazy like that.

What countries did you visit?Um, I visited America. And I'll be doing that again this year as well. I'm the quintessential queen of short-distance traveling. No passport required.

What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

1. Income (money may not buy happiness, but last time I checked, it does help pay bills. And I have a serious art & craft addiction that must be fed from time to time).


2. Patience.


3. A new refrigerator (the Hubs has to get sick of me asking at some point and just freaking buy it for me already, right?!).


4. Less gray hair.


5. A smaller ass imprint when I get up from the couch.


6. And un-saggy breasts that are located about 5" higher than where they reside right now.

(And not necessarily in that order.)

What was your biggest achievement this past year?
Cleaning and organizing my home office sometime around August...and managing to keep it clean and organized...until...September. Trust me. That is a major accomplishment for me.

What was the best thing you bought?**crickets**
You're not going to believe how much of a raging shopaholic I am. [Insert laughter here] I tend to buy three categories of things most of the time. 1) Books, 2) DVDs, 3) Art & Craft Supplies. So the best book I bought would probably be Fallen; the best DVD would likely be (nice to see you again, Edward) The Twilight Saga: New Moon; and any art supplies I can buy are always the best things I buy on any day--despite what the Hubs calls my "insane ability" to shop in Michaels or Hobby Lobby for 2-3 hours at a stretch. Yeah, that is one of my very special skills, baby.

Whose behavior merited celebration?My daughter started Cosmetology School last year. And the day she started on the path that will lead me to getting free haircuts AND free highlights...that merits some serious celebration!

Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?That answer is the same every year: The Freak Next Door. 'Nough said.

What song will always remind you of 2010?Hold My Hand, by Michael Jackson (with Akon), the first song from his first posthumous CD release, Michael. And not just because it will always remind me of him and the legacy he left us with. But also because the words make me think of everyone I love...my husband, my daughter, my grandchildren, my mother, my sister...and everyone else that's dear to my heart...and how everything will be alright if they just hold my hand.

"So if you just
Hold my Hand
Baby I promise that I'll do
All I can
Things will get better if you just
Hold my Hand
Nothing can come between us if you just
Hold, Hold my Hold my, Hold my Hand."

What do you wish you'd done more of?Body Surfing.
Piercings.
Reading.
Dusting.
Exploring the recesses of our HVAC system.

(Only one of those things is true. I'll leave it to you to figure out which one.)

What do you wish you'd done less of?Mind-reading.
Vulcan nerve pinches on my husband.
Brilliantly funny blogging.
Watching all the seasons of LOST on DVD.
Being right.

(Again, only one of these things is true. Can you spot it?)

Did you fall in love in 2010?No. I didn't fall in love in 2010. But I did fall back in love...with a certain pale-skinned, amber-eyed, sparkling hot blood-sucker named Edward. Does that count? I hope so. Because this is on my agenda for 2011 as well. Forever Twilight, as they say.

Who was the best new person you met?Now this one is super easy: my granddaughter, Destiny.  I love her to pieces. She'll be turning 1 on 1-11-11. That has got to be a good sign for the new year!

She is also absolute proof that you can wear horizontal stripes and look completely adorable.

So that is my almost, kinda, sorta last year in review on this, my very first post of the new year.

Pretty painless, wasn't it?