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Friday, September 23, 2011

Hijacking Elmo DVD's is Just Wrong

I really need someone to explain this to me. I'm so confused and annoyed by it, I'm almost speechless. And that doesn't happen often, as you well know. So here's the scoop...

I have a granddaughter, Destiny, who is not quite 2. Destiny loves Elmo. And Destiny loves Elmo DVD's. So every time I'm babysitting, we watch Elmo. Over, and over, and over. But even though I personally wouldn't watch Elmo if I were by myself [no, seriously], the repeated watching of said Elmo DVD's is not what's annoying me.

What IS annoying me is the way my DVD controls get hijacked at the beginning of some Elmo videos, so that I can't fast forward through the stupid FBI piracy warnings and other pointless previews, in order to get to the main menu and push Start. WTH is up with that, man? Why must my not-quite-two-year-old granddaughter be forced to wait for Elmo to appear? Do these people not realize how impatient a not-quite-two-year-old can be?! And do they really think a not-quite-two-year-old is going to pirate their freaking Elmo video? More importantly, do they not realize that a not-quite-two-year-old CANNOT READ?!!!

I cannot be the only person in the world who fast forwards through the B.S. at the beginning of movies to get to the movie itself. Nobody wants to see that stuff. We know it's there. And we know that under penalty of law we can't legally pirate your precious video. And we also know that other movies are coming out that your previews will detail. But guess what? If I wanted to be force fed previews, I would be sitting in a movie theater where I could be posting rants via my iPhone on Facebook about all the stupid changes they're always making, while eating popcorn and Goobers, to pass the time until the previews are over. I do NOT want to see previews on a DVD. And neither does my not-quite-two-year-old granddaughter.

If this were an adult movie, I could deal with this madness. But it's an Elmo movie, people. And when Destiny is looking up at me with her sad little pouty face, saying, "Momo, Momo, Momo" (that's how she says "Elmo"), every precious second counts! I want to FF and then hit Start as quickly as possible. Like, RIGHT NOW.

Heartless bastards. They have no common sense at all.

Luckily, not all her Elmo DVD's are like this. And luckily I have enough patience to not rip the offending DVD's from the DVD player, take a hammer to them, shattering them into tiny pieces, which would result in my granddaughter's guaranteed need for years of costly therapy. Grandparents really shouldn't be the cause of their grandchildren's therapy, after all. That's their parents' job. *wink*

I think the only thing I can really do is send a message to the big meanies who manufacture these DVD's. So this is it, from Elmo, and me.

Elmo Pick a Finger Meme