First of all, I think I should get some sort of award for having my shortest blog post title ever! They give awards for stuff like that, don't they? OK, yeah, probably not. But they should. Anyhoots, it's not just coincidence that I should use that title. Heavens no. That, my dear blog readers, is exactly how I feel.
I have a cold, you see. Not a super bad one, mind you. It's the kind of cold that is just bad enough to make me cranky and sleep like crap...but not quite bad enough to give me free reign to be a bitch if I feel like it. Dammit. I don't get those free-reign-to-be-a-bitch cards too often. They're really one of the all too few perks of a truly bad cold, don'tcha know. And let's face it: if you have to be down and out with a really bad cold, you really should get free reign to be a bitch too. Just sayin.
But as I sit here blowing my nose and trying to breathe out of a single nostril, I am typing and wondering one simple thing. [OK, I'm seldom wondering just one simple thing, but just work with me here, people.] Why is it that when I stand up I can breathe just fine? And yet when I sit down, one nostril is stage 3 plugged (on a scale of 1 to 5 in the nose-plugged category, with 5 meaning my nose might as well not exist for its lack of function), and if I lay down, my nose hits stage 5?
Seriously. I can totally understand why my nose gets fully plugged when I lay down. There's pressure and stuff, right? Makes perfect sense. But why does it start to get plugged when sitting down, but yet also fully upright? That makes no sense at all. And then standing completely up I can breathe just fine. Why? Why? And why? And how does my nose even know the difference between my sitting down or standing up? The only difference there is that my legs are not supporting my body? How the hell does my nose know that and why does it care?!
I know, I know. I'm losing it just a bit. My brain is foggy, truth be told. I tend to get that way when I have a cold. Hey, that rhymed! Do I sound like Dr. Seuss now? Is there an award for that? Well, there should be.
Where was I?
This is my reality, people. An infectious disease has taken over my body and at least part maybe all of my brain function. And I can't even blame it on the drugs, because I'm not taking any. Dammit again. No free-reign-to-be-a-bitch card. No drugs. Oh, the inhumanity of it all. It's just gotten me to the point where I can say only this:
Meh.
